by: Charles Mombo
The fight over the “Best pizza and the tallest building in America,” appeared to have started after the Chicago-based Height Committee of the Council on Tall Buildings and Urban Habitat announced on Tuesday that the needle being built atop New York’s World Trade Center is a permanent part of the building and not an antenna. They included the needle when measuring the building’s height, making it taller than the former Sears Tower, now the Willis Tower.
Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel didn’t hide his feelings when his city came in second.
“I would just say this to all of the experts they gathered in one room: If it looks like an antenna and acts like an antenna then guess what? It is an antenna,” Emanuel said. “At the Willis Tower, you will have a view that’s
unprecedented in its beauty, in its landscape and its capacity to capture something — something you can’t do from an antenna.”
Meanwhile, Jon Stewart, host of “The Daily Show” got his underwear in a ruffle after hearing about Mayor Emanuel’s comments and about Chicago having the best deep-dish pizza in the nation compared to that “flatbread” New Yorkers refer to as “thin crust” pizza.
Developed in Chicago, the tantalizing and mesmerizing Chicago-style pizza is made in a deep-dish with crust up to three inches tall at the edge, slightly higher than the ingredients, which include large amounts of cheese and chunky tomato sauce.
While taking issue with Chicago’s superior pizza status, Stewart said:
“OK I was going to be nice but now you’ve gone too far,” Stewart said in his fake Italian-American persona. “Let me explain something, deep dish pizza is not only not better than New York pizza, it’s not pizza. It’s a fucking casserole!”
Stewart took particular offense to what he considered to be Chicago’s blasphemous practice of putting sauce on top of the cheese in their pathetic version of pie.
“It’s a cornbread biscuit which you’ve melted cheese on and then — in defiance of God and man and all things holy — you poured uncooked marinara sauce atop the cheese. Atop!” Stewart screamed. “The sauce, naked, cold on display like some sort of sauce whore,” Stewart added. Stewart even compared eating Chicago pizza to necrophilia.
“You know the expression there’s no such thing as bad sex or bad pizza? Your [Chicago] pizza is like sex with a corpse made of sand paper!” the political humorist said.
“Let me tell you something, this is not pizza. This is tomato soup in a bread bowl. This is an above-ground marinara swimming pool for rats!”
Mayor Emanuel responded to Stewart’s anti-deep dish rant by sending him dead fish wrapped in pizza. Emanuel is known for his "take-no-prisoners” style that has earned him the nickname “Rahmbo.” He is known to have sent a dead fish in a box to a pollster who was late in delivering polling results. Emanuel appears to be replicating the scene from The Godfather when the Corleones were alerted of Luca Brasi's death with a dead fish wrapped in Brasi's bullet-proof vest.
When Emanuel resigned as President Obama's first Chief of Staff, ABC News reported that Austan Goolsbee, the Council of Economic Advisers chair, presented him with a dead carp, an invasive species that has been getting closer to Chicago.
In response to Emanuel's fish pizza, The Daily Show tried to feed the dead fish pizza to their dog; but, it politely walked away.
In all fairness to New York City, they relinquished the dubious title of “Murder Capital of America,” to Chicago.
According to new crime statistics released in September 2013 by the Federal Bureau of Investigation, Chicago had more homicides in 2012 than any other city in the country. There were 500 murders in Chicago last year, the FBI said, surpassing New York City, which had 419.
In 2011, there were 515 homicides in the Big Apple, compared with 431 in Chicago. According 2012 statistics obtained from the Census, New York City’s population is 8,336,697 and Chicago’s population is 2,714,856.
Oh, by the way, the official architectural height of the Willis Tower is 1,451 feet. Willis Tower’s highest occupied floor at 1,354 feet still rises above One World Trade Center’s at 1,268 feet.
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