Basking in the afterglow of relief at not having to move to Canada in the near future (no offense to Canada, which is a lovely place, but as Dorothy says, ‘there’s no place like home’), I thought I’d share a few amusing absurdities from the post-election response. Like Obama supporters and America, they’re diverse. Happy Holidays!
On the syndicated daily radio hit, The Tom Joyner Morning Show, comedian Chris Paul’s post-election “Morning Minute” had me grinning from ear to ear. For those of you who don’t know the bit, in one minute, with the clock ticking behind him à la 60 Minutes, Paul recaps politics and sports headlines of particular interest to the African American community. This time he started simply with “One word. Obama.” He went on to talk about the Houston Texans football team taking senior citizens to the polls, then: “Two words. President Obama.” After reporting quickly on the Dallas Cowboys need for a working defense: “Three words. Still, President Obama.” How sweet the sound.
Comedian Jimmy Fallon notes that, with the election decided, Mitt Romney will no longer receive Secret Service protection, at which news Big Bird swaggers up to Romney and says in gangsta style, “Whassup?”
True story: According to Mitt Romney, he lost because the president “made a big effort on small things” for women, Blacks, Latinos, and young people (sounds like a big chunk of America to me, maybe 47%? Just kidding. According to the U.S. Census, women are 51%, the last three groups are 39% combined (including part of the female population). Perhaps the Gov should have thought of those numbers as he was talking trash about defunding Planned Parenthood, speaking in code about irresponsible Welfare recipients, “self-deporting” immigrants, and suggesting that college students borrow tens of thousands of dollars from out-of-work parents living in walk-up apartments. And what was the main “small thing” Romney cited? Health care. A small thing, says elevator-for-his-cars Richie Rich. No way. Yes way.
Hmmm. Putting aside the delusion that access to health care is a “gift” that the rich can use to bribe the non-rich, I’ve travelled to most of these United States and I’m having a hard time remembering all those Blacks and Latinos in New Hampshire (which Obama won) and Iowa (which Obama won) and Colorado (which Obama won) and Vermont (which Obama won) and Maine (which Obama won) and Minnesota (Prince notwithstanding, which Obama won). But what’s funny is that even the Associated Press, which prides itself on straight, non-opinion-based reporting couldn’t buy Romney’s whining.
Romney didn't acknowledge any major missteps, such as his "47 percent" remarks widely viewed as denigrating nearly half of Americans, his lack of support for the auto bailout, his call for illegal immigrants to "self-deport," or his change in position on abortion, gun control and other issues. He also didn't address the success or failure of the campaign's strategy of focusing on the economy in the face of some improvement in employment and economic growth during the months leading up to Election Day.
Obama won the popular vote by about 3.5 million votes, or 3 percent, and won the Electoral College by a wide margin, 332-206 electoral votes. Exit polls conducted for The Associated Press and television networks showed that Obama led Romney by 11 percentage points among women and won better than 7 of 10 Hispanic voters and more than 9 of 10 black voters.
How’s that for a reality check. I hope this signals the end of the media hyper-nonpartisanship that ends up being partisan by forgiving big lies in the GOP in order to appear “fair.”
On the subject of the “gifts” Romney derides, a reader’s comment to Governor Romney found on BlackAmericaWeb.com asserted that he [punctuation added] “got gifts as well, big big big money gifts and still lost.” The commenter went on to declare, “The GOP needs to strap you on the roof of your auto like you did your dog and drive off into the sunset and never come back. Also put [Boehner], McCain, [McConnell] and a few others of your racist party into the trunk. I’ll donate $2.00 for the gas.”
Another true story: The “shell-shocked” failed presidential candidate may be right that gifted racial and ethnic minorities are all fired up and ready to go. A week after the election, the Ku Klux Klan decided to march in North Carolina; they were protesting the election. A Latino coalition (say what?) showed up dressed as clowns. According to reports, the Klan was “out-clowned five to one.” (Lord help me, I just had to breath into a paper bag).
Another hilarious moment was the picture of an Afghan reporter in the U.S. Embassy in Kabul, gleefully wiping a “tear” from a life-size Mitt Romney cutout.
Late Breaking News: Headline – “Binders Full of Black Voters Terrorize GOP in Maine”!
Yes, it’s true. John Aravosis of Americablog.com reports that Charlie Webster, head of the Maine GOP noticed that “dozens and dozens” of Black people voted in Maine so, of course, there must be voter fraud. (Okay now, out with the bad air, in with the good. Repeat 2x) Despite the fact that Webster claimed he didn’t know any Black people but that he wasn’t a racist because he played basketball with one every Sunday (who’s probably bussed in for sports authenticity), I had to check out Webster’s claim. The state of Maine has a population of 1,328,361, which is less than the city of Houston. 1.3% of that population is Black, making Maine one of the whitest states in the union. But I digress. That means, according to very basic math (which I had to look up on the internet), that the Black population of Maine adds up to 17,268.693 (the latter three digits being just over 3/5 of a Black person). Who knew? This means that Maine actually does have “dozens and dozens” of Black citizens (1,439 dozen to be exact) who may have decided to abandon their apparent invisibility (à la Ralph Ellison) and, if they were of voting age, exercise the franchise to vote. As Bill Nemitz said in his Portland [ME] Press Herald article on a gay Black Harvard-educated organic farmer who just got elected to the Maine state legislature, “let’s set Webster aside for the moment – or maybe forever.”
Finally, under the heading of schadenfreude comes the news from NBC that the very night he lost, Mitt Romney canceled the credit cards of staff members, some of whom only found this out the next day while trying to pay for taxis to the airport as they headed home after a grueling several months away. Any laughter is in the nature of hysteria at the bullet we just dodged.